


Kiss me, try to fix it

by storiesthatmakeus



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heartbreak, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 14:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11761956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: Aaron is devastated when Adam leaves the village after a shocking event. He turns to the one person he knows will give him comfort, but will he actually get what he wants?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on absolutely nothing but my own ridiculous imagination and the fact that *spoiler alert* both Emma and Adam are leaving the show.
> 
> Context for this story: In this version of events, Robert was the one to break things off to prevent Aaron hurting himself anymore and even when Ross is revealed to be the father of Rebecca's baby and she leaves the village, the boys still don't get back together because well, they're idiots. We go from there :-)

Nobody had seen it coming. Not Vic, not Moira, not Adam himself, and definitely not Emma. All the lies, all the cover ups, all the desperate manipulations of a guilty woman had come spilling out at the farm in front of her sons, in front of the woman who had always owned her dead husband’s heart, and in front of the boy that claimed the same space as her boys, a constant reminder of James’ betrayal. In a split second, he had snapped, the delicate threads inside him ripping apart as she admitted the truth about his second father’s death, and it wasn’t until Moira and Vic’s screams pierced through the haze and he looked at the lifeless body in front of him that he realised what he had done. He had tried to protect his mum, pulling Emma off her as they fought, but the black cloud engulfing him had made him ignore her pleas for air as he pinned her too tightly against the wall. It was an accident; he tried to bring her back, but it was too late. It was all too late.

And now he was gone. Desperate to avoid another prison sentence, one that would see him almost certainly live his entire life in a claustrophobic cell, he had decided to run, leaving in the dead of the night with Aaron’s desperate pleas for him to stay and face what he had done falling on deaf ears. They had parted on the bridge, Aaron gripping him until his arms shook, hoping that he could root his best friend to the spot long enough for him to change his mind. It had failed though, because Aaron could never get people to stay could he? Jackson, Adam, Robert. They all left him in the end.

As Aaron walked back through the village, the bitter January cold seeping into his bones, he thought he would feel more than this, thought the tears would come easily, but they didn’t. He spotted the Mill in the distance, but it seemed so far away; seeing it illuminated by the street lamps, it was all the more empty and imposing. Yes, Liv was in there, dead to the world, but she wasn’t the comfort he needed. If he woke her up, she’d try her best to say the right things, but would fall short. God knows she had become wise beyond her years in the time she had been looking after Sandra, but there was only one person who knew how to stem the flow of this particular wound.

The light was on in the hallway. He could see it as he approached the front door. It would be Robert, still awake, sitting on the sofa in the dark living room and no doubt trying to shut down his brain after comforting Victoria over the day’s events. Did she know that he was gone? Of course she didn’t. Aaron knocked gently on the door, and it soon opened, Robert standing there with a whisky in hand and hair that stood in tufts as a result of him running his hands through it constantly.

‘’Aaron.’’ The way he said his voice still affected him, still made his whole body shiver. Robert didn’t seem surprised to see him; did he know that Aaron would come? Was he that predictable?

‘’Can I come in?’’

‘’Of course, yea, do you want one?’’ Robert asked softly, lifting his glass.

‘’Please.’’ Aaron watched him as he poured the liquid, and it was that night in the backroom all over again, when Aaron asked Robert if he could rely on him. He had proven himself to Aaron then, and maybe the comfort of that night was what he needed again now.

‘’He’s gone, Robert.’’

‘’I know.’’ Aaron looked at him in surprise. ‘’Well, I’d guessed. It’s what I would do, if I was him.’’

‘’Does Vic…..?’’

‘’No, I didn’t….well, I couldn’t tell her, Not tonight. It would destroy her. She’s my little sister, I can’t do it to her….’’

‘’I’ll do it.’’

‘’No, I’m being selfish. It has to be me. I can’t have you tell her, it would be too hard for both of you. I just don’t know how to say it, it’s Andy all over again.’’

‘’How did you do it Rob? How did you carry on, not knowing where he was, or where he is now?’’

‘’I had you’’ Robert replied, refusing to meet Aaron’s eye, and they both tried to ignore the change in the air, Aaron breaking the silence first.

‘’Is she here?’’

‘’No, she’s with Moira. I wanted to stay with her, or make her come back here with me, but she didn’t want to leave her alone.’’

Aaron downed his whisky in one go, now watched carefully by Robert, who could tell he was giving himself courage to say something. Aaron stared searchingly down at his empty glass for what seemed like an eternity, as though hoping he would find an answer at the bottom of it.

‘’Why does everyone leave Robert?’’

‘’I don’t know Aaron, I wish I did.’’

‘’I can never get anyone to stay, can I? Adam told me he loved me, but he still left.’’ He said it without a hint of self-pity, it was just fact to him now.

‘’He wouldn’t have wanted to go Aaron, but he had to. He made a life altering mistake, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.’’

Something about the way Robert said those words made Aaron look up from the empty tumbler, directly into his ex-husband’s eyes.

‘’He could have stayed. He could have fought.’’

‘’And in a perfect world, one where forgiveness comes more readily, he might have. But sometimes you have to take off the gloves, accept that life is not always a fight to be won.’’

‘’But he didn’t even try.’’

The conversation was hanging on a knife-edge now; they could both feel it simmering there, words spilling out with unacknowledged meanings. Robert moved first, putting his glass in the sink, gripping the edge to steady himself. Aaron was all around him now, filling up the air and making it hard to breathe. He knew it was coming, but even so, hearing it out loud made his breath catch in his throat.

‘’Can I stay with you tonight?’’

‘’I don’t think that’s a good idea Aaron.’’

‘’Why not? And whatever reason you’re about to give, I need you to look at me when you say it.’’

Robert turned around slowly. Aaron was close now, he could feel the warmth radiating off him, his blue eyes piercing into him, waiting for an answer.

‘’You’re hurting Aaron, and you’re tired. It won’t make it better, Adam will still be gone when it’s over.’’

‘’It will make it better, unless…… you don’t want me?’’ Aaron hesitated as he spoke, but one look in Robert’s eyes answered his question. He could push it, just a little bit further.

‘’Don’t do this Aaron, not tonight.’’

‘’Please Robert, just make me forget, just for now, please.’’

Aaron took a step closer. He could feel Robert’s resolve wavering. They were inches from each other now, Robert looking at the floor in a bid to stop what was coming.

‘’You don’t want this, I know….’’ But Robert’s argument died on his lips as Aaron placed his hand on his cheek, bringing his face up to his own. Aaron’s eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips and back again, and with that, Robert’s wall came down completely. Aaron moved first, his hand gripping Robert’s hair and pushing their foreheads together as their lips met. Robert had tried to do the right thing, he really had, but he was a selfish man, too selfish to let Aaron walk away when he needed comfort, so he kissed him back. Aaron deepened the connection, his strong arms roaming through his ex-husband’s hair and down his arms, before coming to wrap around Robert’s waist as they clung to each other. The comfort and familiarity of their lips as they kissed each other fiercely was still there, had never left, and they kissed until they were out of breath, their bodies saying everything that they couldn’t voice out loud.

It was only when Aaron began to tug at Robert’s shirt that he came to his senses, pulling away from his ex-husband and moving to the door, head bowed so as not to see the look on Aaron’s face.

‘’I think you should go now Aaron.’’

‘’Robert…’’

‘’You don’t need me Aaron, and you don’t really want this.’’

He dared to look up at the man he loved. Aaron was stoic, his face giving nothing away. After a deafening silence, Aaron nodded slightly. Making his way to the door, he brushed Robert’s left hand, and the wedding ring that was still a permanent fixture there.

‘’Sometimes you’re still fighting, even if you don’t know it Robert.’’

With that, he was gone, leaving Robert to slump against the kitchen wall, his ring glinting in the overspill of hallway light, his fingers still prickling from Aaron’s touch.

Aaron closed the door of the Mill behind him quietly and made his way to his bedroom. As he lay down on the bed, he was back there again with Robert, not in the back room, but in the park, on a night much like this one. Robert hadn’t given Aaron what he had wanted then either, but he had given him something more, something he needed. He stroked his ring finger, the tears finally falling, and he hoped that maybe one day, all the people he loved would come back, would choose to fight once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert confronts Aaron, but things never go the way these boys expect.

Five weeks had passed. Five weeks since life for everyone connected with Butler’s farm had changed irrevocably. Those first few days had seen the village crawling with police, who questioned everyone about Adam. Aaron, Vic and Moira had all been hauled to the station more than once, but their genuine lack of knowledge concerning his whereabouts soon became apparent, and they were left alone, albeit with a subtle threat hanging over them, one that told them to come forward with any new information or face the consequences. The odd police officer still loitered around hopefully, but Adam had disappeared without a trace.

Robert had not seen much of Aaron since the night his ex-husband had sought him out. Only brief glimpses here and there, which was a minor miracle, given the fact they lived in a village the size of a postcard. He knew that Aaron had kept the scrap yard going, knew he was throwing himself into work, but Robert hadn’t ventured up there. Couldn’t, not when every second thought that entered his head revolved around the comment Aaron had made as he left the cottage that night. Was he still fighting? He couldn’t tell anymore. Ever since he had known Aaron, he felt like he had always been fighting for him; he wore the feeling like a second skin, to the point where he could no longer tell what he felt. But he couldn’t delve into this now, not when his sister’s feelings were so raw. She came first, and he didn’t have space for Aaron in his head.

It had been a long day. Nicola and Jimmy had taken the children away on holiday, leaving Robert to deal with all the haulage clients single-handed. So when he arrived home that evening, all he wanted was to slump in front of the television, have a beer and a shower and wash away the day. That was the plan, but all that vanished the moment he saw Victoria on the sofa, red-rimmed eyes looking at him in utter devastation.

‘’Vic, what is it? What’s happened?’’

She struggled to get any words out, and he had never seen her look so small. He pulled her into him, cradling her for all he was worth, and that’s when he noticed the document in her hands, tear stained and crumpled from her grip. He took it gently from her and sucked in a breath as he briefly read the contents, trying not to let his feelings show. But his façade began to crack as he held his sobbing little sister in his arms, the anger beginning to simmer under his skin. He was failing her. She always looked to him for comfort, for the right thing to say, for answers. Tonight, he didn’t have those answers. But he knew a man who might.

He put Victoria to bed, and minutes later he was outside Mill Cottage, his right leg bouncing up and down on the concrete driveway as he sat on the wall. Aaron wasn’t home, but Robert would wait for him all night if he had to. Liv was at Gabby’s for the night; he had seen them head off together earlier, and he was grateful not to have an audience.

He soon saw the glint of headlights approaching the Mill drive, and stood up as Aaron’s car came to a standstill in front of him. He couldn’t see his face behind the wheel, couldn’t tell what kind of reception he was going to get, but frankly, he couldn’t care less.

‘’Did you know?’’ Aaron was barely out of the car before the question was fired at him. He avoided answering, heading straight ahead to unlock the door.

‘’Don’t ignore me Aaron, I asked you a question. Did you know?’’

‘’It’s late and I’m tired, I’m not doing this with you now Robert.’’ Aaron was through the door, almost gone, but Robert barged in after him, slamming the door behind them both as they eyeballed each other, the air between them thick and foggy. It was nearly impossible to breathe.

‘’That’s funny, it was late and I was tired when you came to me weeks ago, but that didn’t stop you did it? So yes, we are doing this now. I’m going to ask you once more, did you know?’’

‘’Yes, okay I knew, are you happy now? ‘’ Aaron almost shouted in response, but the defeat in him was evident as he slumped back slightly.

‘’When?’’

‘’When what?’’

‘’When did you speak to him?’’

‘’What does it matter Robert? You came here to ask me if I knew, and I’ve answered your question, so you can go now.’’

‘’It matters Aaron, because my sister is devastated, and you don’t even seem to care. I know he’s your best mate, and you want to protect him at all costs, but Vic is supposed to be your friend too, I mean, she was even your sister-in-law once, and I never thought you’d be so cold to her, and what she’s going through.’’

‘’What the hell is that supposed to mean? Robert shook his head in disbelief at Aaron’s ignorance. ‘’C’mon Robert, you clearly have more to say, just spit it out.’’

‘’I’ve been divorced, remember.’’ Aaron scoffed at the casual venom in his comment, but Robert continued. ‘’I know that those papers aren’t drawn up overnight, so he’s been planning this for a while, maybe even since the day he left, and I would hazard a guess that, based on the fact he has signed over his share in the scrap yard to his soon to be ex-wife, he probably would have informed his business partner of that decision before today. Am I getting warm Aaron?’’

Aaron stood, frozen to the spot, unable to look away from Robert as he continued to speak.

‘’And what amazes me the most about this, is the fact that it never once crossed your mind to come and tell me that this was about to happen, so I could be ready, so I could look after her. Instead, I had to come home and find my little sister sat in the dark in bits, sobbing her heart out because the man she loves is gone, and all she’s left with is a share in a business that will constantly remind her of him. It was selfish of him to do it, and it was cruel of you to keep it quiet.’’

‘’You think I don’t know that? You think I didn’t try and talk him out of it? He’s trying to do the right thing and let her go, let her move on. I knew it would hurt her, but he had already made up his mind Robert.’’ Aaron was shouting back now, but his voice cracked just a little, his guilt seeping through.

‘’You still could have come to me, told me what was coming.’’ Robert spoke more softly now, all the rage and helplessness he had felt as he stormed through the Mill door ebbing away as he looked at Aaron, knowing his ex-husband was ashamed of his actions by the way he pulled at his sleeves.

‘’And what could you have done Rob?’’ Aaron asked gently. ‘’Those papers were coming, whether we liked it or not.’’

‘’I don’t know… I could have gotten to them first, and….’’ Robert trailed off.

‘’And done what Robert? Hidden them from her? Pretend it wasn’t happening? Because eventually, another set would come. It wouldn’t end, you know that.’’

‘’But I could have told her, worked it out, so she wasn’t alone when it happened. I saw her and I felt….’’ Robert couldn’t find the words, couldn’t relive the image of his baby sister sobbing on her sofa, clutching the tear stained papers until Robert had prized them from her.

‘’Helpless?’’

Robert nodded slowly, tears prickling his eyes as he looked up at Aaron before averting his gaze again. Even now, those blue eyes still saw straight through him, saw the fear, the fear of being out of control, fear of disappointing those around him by failing to protect them.

‘’It’s Vic, Aaron. My annoying chatterbox of a sister, she’s not supposed to feel this kind of pain, I’m her big brother, I’m supposed to protect her.’’

Aaron couldn’t take it anymore. In one swift movement, he had closed the space between them, lifting Robert’s chin up to meet his eyes, and wiping away the stray tears that lingered on his cheeks.

‘’Robert, it’s not your fault.’’ Robert shook his head slightly in disagreement. ‘’Hey, look at me.’’ He lifted his head, Aaron’s concerned gaze anchoring him in the middle of his former home, rendering him unable to look away.

‘’It’s not your fault.’’ Aaron repeated it firmly, determined to make Robert believe him. ‘’You couldn’t have done anything to change what’s happened so all you can do now is be there for her. You don’t have to save her. You just have to be you. Be the arrogant, smug, kind-hearted sod of a big brother she knows and loves, that’s all she needs from you right now.’’

Robert chuckled softly at Aaron’s small attempt to lighten the mood. He soon realised that Aaron was still stroking his cheeks, even after the tears had ceased to fall. He felt his breath quicken, and his mouth go dry. He moved forward involuntarily, and Aaron’s eyes widened ever so slightly, a movement so minuscule that nobody but Robert, who was attuned to every one of Aaron’s nuances, could notice. Memories of their last kiss flooded his mind, and for a moment he wondered what would happen if he let himself slip, but he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t fair on either of them.

Robert broke away from the embrace, pretending not to notice the fleeting look of disappointment on Aaron’s face.

‘’I need to go, I need to check on…’’

‘’Of course, yeah…’’ Aaron stepped back as he replied, trying to remove himself from Robert’s presence.

Robert pulled himself away from Aaron, and headed towards the door. He was halfway out when he seemed to hesitate, but before Aaron could say anything, Robert straightened himself and was gone, the door left open in his wake. Aaron walked slowly over, closed the door and slumped against it, breathing heavily. He could still feel Robert’s breath on his face, could still feel the hot tears on his fingers. He hadn’t imagined it, had he? He shook himself out of his thoughts, pulled himself off the door and had his foot on the first step of the staircase when he heard the knock. He opened the door to see Robert standing there, flushed and radiating nervous energy.

‘’I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.’’

Aaron barely had time to register anything before Robert’s lips were on his. His mouth opened in shock, and Robert took that as an invitation, his tongue seeking out Aaron’s, melding them together as though they had never been apart. Robert’s lips were soft, tender and demanding all at once, and Aaron was helpless to resist. He pulled Robert further into the house, their lips not breaking contact as he used his foot to kick the door closed. The bedroom was too far away, that bloody spiral staircase too much of an obstacle in the present moment. The sofa it was. They stripped each other as though it was the only thing they knew how to do, fingers and lips tracing over every square inch of each other’s bodies, all the ridges, scars and curves slotting together, as familiar as ever.

Afterwards, they lay tangled together on the sofa, flushed and sweaty, Robert stroking Aaron’s hair softly while Aaron placed gentle kisses to Robert’s jaw, then his neck, and finally the scar on his chest, faded now but still a constant reminder of how close Aaron had come to losing him once.

‘’What are you thinking?’’

Aaron had spoken so softly that Robert briefly thought he had dreamt it, but then the younger man looked up at him, concern etched across his features.

‘’I didn’t mean for this to happen Aaron.’’ Aaron’s eyes fluttered as he tried to mask the hurt, and Robert immediately knew what he was thinking. ‘’I don’t regret it, not for one second. I just want to be honest when I say that this wasn’t something I planned, but believe me, I don’t regret it.’’

Aaron let out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding, and risked the chance to take Robert’s hand in his, the cold metal of his wedding ring a welcome feeling.

‘’So, what happens now?’’

‘’Honestly?’’ Aaron nodded softly. ‘’I don’t know. I’m not sure where to go from here. But you were right, that night. I am still fighting. I can’t help it.’’

Aaron smiled softly, kissed Robert once again on his scar, then perched himself on the edge of the sofa so he could kiss him on the lips, the sensation making him feel at home, grounded and secure. He ran his hands through Robert’s hair, and he knew what needed to happen next.

‘’Go and be with your sister Robert. Be her big brother and help her through this.’’ Aaron eased himself off the sofa, and pulled Robert up.

‘’I don’t understand…’’ Robert started, but Aaron’s hand on his chest silenced him.

‘’Go to your sister. She needs you now, but when the time is right, come and find me. I’ll be ready to fight then too.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously don't how the logistics of organising a divorce when you're on the run work, but let's suspend disbelief for the sake of storytelling shall we?


End file.
